Attachment Styles and Dating: The Science of Love

Why is it so hard to find a life partner? Why are dates often so disappointing? If you want to find your perfect match, you should use your head - as well as your heart. That's why it's worth understanding the connection between attachment styles and dating.

If you’ve ever stopped to ask yourself ‘Why don’t my dates work out?’ or wondered how you can feel more comfortable on a date, then rest assured - you are not alone. You may have noticed a consistent pattern of behaviour in your dealings with others – or simply don’t like any of your dates – but reassuringly, this may not be just a coincidence or down to bad luck.

The fact is, that we all have a responsibility to discover not only what we need from our own relationships, but how our dating behaviour might impact others, depending on compatibility and existing psychological dispositions.

A British scientist by the name of John Bowlby introduced the concept of attachment theory back in the 1950s, which suggests that there are three main ways that humans connect to each other when pursuing a partner for a relationship. These specific styles are developed in our youth, as a direct result of child development and parenting.

Let’s take a closer look at these distinctive behaviours and how yours can affect the way you relate – and date.

1) Secure

Known as one of the most common forms of attachment today, the secure approach is demonstrated by those who find making connections with others very easy. This type of person is open with their feelings and has no issues with expressing themselves freely, despite the risk of judgment. In relationships, the secure type seeks to attain long-lasting, deeper connections.

If you identify as secure, you may be less likely to adopt poor online behaviours such as ghosting