Dating in the City: The Secret Diary of an Investment Banker...
100 Minutes Paternity Leave…
I got the phone call at 3PM, just as we were finalising the biggest M&A pitch of the quarter. My wife was in labour with our first child, and on the way to the hospital. My MD Philip was an awkward character, but surely the birth of my first born was sufficient excuse to leave early and let the juniors handle the presentation.
‘Of course John, you’ve got to go’ he barked once I had shared my news. ‘And don’t worry about the rehearsal call tonight. But make sure you are on the 8am run through tomorrow. And I’ll see you in the airport lounge by 11’.
I had known if the baby came early it could clash with the pitch. I’d worried more about a scheduling issue than the impending birth of my first born. But the realisation that I was being permitted the rest of the afternoon off to meet my new child before being required back at the coal face, was when something finally snapped. By my calculations that would give me about 100 minutes paternity leave. How the fuck had I ended up here?
15 years earlier I had stumbled into the bright lights of the city as an unspeakably enthusiastic 21-year-old. Draped in my new Next suit and black plastic shoes, with a coveted spot on a graduate training programme at a bulge bracket investment bank, I had made it. My plans at that point were straight forward. Earn a shitload of cash and find a trophy girlfriend. Those noble goals represented the full extent of my youthful ambition.
I had little inkling that I was entering the modern-day equivalent of the work camp. Where 80-100 hour weeks were standard, the destruction in your mental and physical health was a sacrifice expected of all new recruits, and you left your ability to form healthy relationships at the door.
And for 5 years I loved it. All-nighters finishing presentations, big M&A mandates, multiple competing deadlines, all washed down with six figure bonuses. What wasn’t to like. Sure, I didn’t have a girlfriend for 5 years, but my sex life was a sacrifice worth making.
It was when I wanted a little more that the problems crept in. Try maintaining a healthy relationship when you never leave the office before midnight. See how many times you can be forgiven for standing up a date. See how tolerant a new girlfriend will be when you spend a romantic weekend away chained to your work-issue laptop updating a client valuation.