The Secure Attachment type
Getting comfortably close
If you are, or your match is securely attached then you/they are very reliable, consistent, and trustworthy. You won't dodge intimacy, you will create little drama - no highs and lows, no rollercoaster to speak.
Those with secure attachment style tend to be intune with their partner's emotional and physical cues and they respond to them with relative easy. As a secure, you may not often seek help as such in a relationship, however you may find yourself from time to time in a relationship with one of the other attachment styles which affect you in a deleterious way.
“It’s better to be alone than in bad company.”
George Washington
Research tells us that those with a secure attachment style report higher levels of relationship satisfaction, commitment, and trust.
What happens when a secure meets an insecure?
It is no secret that secure couples - when both partners are secure - function much better than insecure couples - those when both partners are either anxious or avoidant. However, research tell us that there is no significant difference between secure couples and 'mixed' couples' - those with only one secure partner. Both of these matches reported less conflict and were rated as better functioning that those insecure couples. So, not only do secure attachment styles fair better in relationships, but they also create a buffering effect - raising their insecure partner's relationship satisfaction.
This is very important (and great news) for the other insecure attachment styles, as you tend to nurture them into a more secure place.
When threat goes undetected
People with secure attachment style are programmed to expect their partners to be loving and responsive. They feel very comfortable with intimacy and closeness, and they don't worry about their partner's leaving them, or losing their love. The are able to communicate their wants and needs, and response to their partner's with relative ease. They also have no problem with expressing their love - these are the huggers of the world! It is not that they don't recognise any potential issues within a relationship, but rather they don't get caught up in them, and they don't dwell on them either.
Secures simply aren't as sensitive to the negative cues of the world.
Typical secure behaviours
People with secure attachment style are programmed to expect their partners to be loving and responsive. They feel very comfortable with intimacy and closeness, and they don't worry about their partner's leaving them, or losing their love. The are able to communicate their wants and needs, and response to their partner's with relative ease. They also have no problem with expressing their love - these are the huggers of the world! It is not that they don't recognise any potential issues within a relationship, but rather they don't get caught up in them, and they don't dwell on them either.
Secures simply aren't as sensitive to the negative cues of the world.
NTJs are most compatible with partners who are spontaneous and easy-going to balance out their need for structure. So which types are the best matches for an INTJ? ENFPs and ENTPs are the best personality matches for INTJs. You can read our complete guide to INTJ compatibility to learn more.
A table set for two to enjoy fabulous food and a fun night at a candlelit dinner.
INTJ strengths
INTJs will be completely committed if they think something is worth their while.
INTJs have a natural curiosity and love to learn about different topics.
INTJs are intellectually creative and like to challenge the status quo.
INTJs are talented at coming up with effective plans to achieve their goals.
The meaning of INTJ
So what is the meaning of INTJ? INTJ is one of the 16 personality types. INTJ stands for Introversion, iNtuition, Thinking and Judging. Each letter represents certain personality characteristics:
1. Introversion means that INTJs direct their energy to their inner world.
2. iNtuition means that INTJs focus on concepts and abstract theories.
3. Thinking means that INTJs primarily make decisions based on logic.
4. Judging means that INTJs prefer to live their life in a structured and organized way.
At So Syncd, we call INTJs ‘So Strategic’ because they are able to see and plan far into the future. They are also known as The Architect, The Mastermind and The Conceptual Planner.
INTJ personality type characteristics
NTJs are unconventional and they question everything. They place little importance on tradition, unless they see logic behind it, and they don’t tend to make a fuss about birthdays and anniversaries. Fortunately, INTJs aren’t overly concerned about what others think of them and they’re not afraid to let their opinions be know, particularly if someone is spreading false information and they want to set the record straight.
NTJs are unconventional and they question everything. They place little importance on tradition, unless they see logic behind it, and they don’t tend to make a fuss about birthdays and anniversaries. Fortunately, INTJs aren’t overly concerned about what others think of them and they’re not afraid to let their opinions be know, particularly if someone is spreading false information and they want to set the record straight.
INTJ values
INTJs value efficiency, often optimizing even the smallest of daily tasks. They don’t have time for people who take too long to get to the point and even people walking slowly in the street can be frustrating for people of the INTJ personality type. Essentially, INTJs don’t like to waste time.
Honesty is important to people of the INTJ personality type. Having a direct communication style, they don’t see the point in playing games and they’d rather just say it how it is. Plus, they dislike gossip. They’re aware if someone is gossiping to them, there’s a good chance they’ll be gossiping about them too.
The paradox of the INTJ
INTJs are pragmatic yet idealistic. They have a visionary side to them which combines their ability to see far into the future with their imagination. However, with their foresight also comes the ability to predict problems. As a result, INTJs are one of the most risk-averse personality types.
INTJs are certainly able to dream big but whether they want to pursue those goals is another story. They can be described as ‘pessimistic optimists’. Being the ultimate masterminds, they’ll spend a significant amount of time weighing up the pros and cons before coming to a decision.
Are INTJs rare?
INTJs are the 3rd rarest personality type. INTJs make up:
1. 2% of the general population.
2. 1% of the female population.
3. 3% of the male population.
Female INTJs
As one of the rarest personality types for women, female INTJs can often feel out of place. They tend to have traits that aren’t stereotypically feminine and it takes them a long time to open up. Some people are intimidated by their no-nonsense attitude. However, the right person will deeply appreciate these characteristics of female INTJs.
Male INTJs
Male INTJs dislike drama and they’ll usually try to avoid overly emotional people. With their rational way of approaching life, they can see excessive displays of emotion as a waste of time or view them as a cry for attention, which can be irritating for people of the INTJ personality type. Male INTJs prefer to solve problems through logic and careful analysis.