Attachment Theory: 5 Common Misconceptions According to Psychologists
Lost in translation: Misunderstandings can lead people to believe that they have a 'bad' attachment style - but this is rarely the case. All styles have unique benefits.
Attachment theory is everywhere, and is a core part of what helps us to create great matches here at REDDI.
Originally rooted in developmental psychology, the theory explains how we form and maintain close relationships in order to survive and thrive in the environment we are born into.
But some of the most important features of attachment theory are getting lost in translation. Misunderstandings are leading people to believe they have a 'bad' attachment type and this can damage the confidence of single people - in some cases, it even prevent them from actively seeking the healthy relationship they so deserve.
Here are the five most common misconceptions according to Psychologists:
1. You can only have one Attachment Style
The biggest misconception is that attachment styles are something that's rigid - that you are all one attachment style, and that style is how you show up in all of of your relationships. but this is simply not the case.
The truth is, as with many other parts of us, we are very rarely all one thing. If our parents were inconsistent or the context of our childhood was unpredictable, we can actually develop multiple attachment styles.
If some of the adults involved in our upbringing made us feel safe and attached, and there were others who we had to be anxious or avoidant with, we develop many attachment styles. Then, if we find safety and love later in life, boom! Another style may emerge.
And the context is also so important. The particular relationship we are in affects the attachment style that comes to the surface. When we feel safe, maybe a more vulnerable, secure part of us shows up. When we feel rejected or scared, our anxious part might take over, needing assurance and affirmations.
Additionally, if a partner isn't letting us grow and needs us to the point of codependency, we may become more avoidant. There certainly may be a way you tend to show up in relationships, and it can be helpful to know what that is. But just keep in mind, that may not be the only way you are all of the time.