Those with Secure Attachment are capable of building and maintaining meaningful romantic relationships, bonding easily and comfortably with others
Securely attached individuals maintain a healthy balance of relying on their partner and meeting their own needs. Due to this balance, they are able to create deeper intimacy through vulnerability while maintaining their individuality.
It is considered that about 50% of the population has a secure attachment style, while the rest fall into one of the more insecure categories (namely, Anxious or Avoidant).
Empathetic and able to set appropriate boundaries, people with secure attachment tend to feel safe, stable, and more satisfied in their close relationships. While they don't fear being on their own, they usually thrive in close, meaningful relationships.
Having a Secure Attachment Style doesn't mean you're perfect...
Of course, everyone is likely to experience relationship problems from time to time - and no human is immune.
But it's likely that you feel secure enough to take responsibility for your own mistakes and failings and are willing to seek help and support when you need it.
You may also display some of the following traits:
You appreciate your own self-worth and you’re able to be yourself in an intimate relationship. You’re comfortable expressing your feelings, hopes, and needs.
Feel comfortable alone
You find satisfaction in being with others, openly seek support and comfort from your partner, but don’t get overly anxious when the two of you are apart.
Can be relied upon
You’re similarly happy for your partner to rely on you for support.
Sound sense of balance
You’re able to maintain your emotional balance and seek healthy ways to manage conflict in a close relationship.
When faced with disappointment, setbacks, and misfortune in your relationships as well as other parts of your life, you’re usually resilient enough to bounce back.
Rooted in Childhood
As someone with a secure attachment style, it’s likely your primary caregiver - be that a Parent or Guardian - was able to stay engaged with you as an infant and effectively manage their own stress as well as calm and soothe you when you were distressed.
They most likely made you feel safe and secure, communicated through emotion, and responded to your changing needs on a regular basis, enabling your nervous system to become “securely attached.”
Of course, as we've addressed above, no parent or caregiver is perfect - and no one can be fully present and attentive to an infant 24 hours a day. But that's not actually necessary to establish secure attachment in childhood.
What we can ascertain, is that enough care was taken to make security an overriding feeling, which then transcends into adulthood and romantic relationships. The strong foundation of a secure attachment bond enabled you as a child to be self-confident, trusting, hopeful, and comfortable in the face of conflict.
REDDI Attracts Majority of Secure Individuals
The majority of our users who have taken our Attachment Style Test have a Secure attachment style.
Although not perfect, it's arguably 'the ideal' when it comes to attachment in relationships. This means you have a strong connection with your partner, but you don't show any insecure (i.e. avoidant or anxious) behaviours, like being jealous or possessive over them. You'll be able to spend time together as well as going out without each other and having your own interests.
If you identify as having a 'Secure' Attachment style, then we will be exploring more tips on what you can do to thrive in your relationships, and why you would be especially well suited to others in our future REDDI Blog.
Don't know your Attachment Style yet? Take our free quiz now to find out more on the science that has been proven to make or break relationships.
Reference: 'Attached: Identify your attachment style and find your perfect match' - a book by Dr Amir Levine and Rachel Heller