I hope this Founders blog finds you all well,
I hope you have all been enjoying the holidays and are looking forward to saying goodbye to 2022 with a bang.
I have spent the last 3 weeks with my parents, and coupled with the holidays it has really got me thinking about my own relationship status (or maybe it has just been thrown in my face a little more lately). This time of year is often seen as proposal season after all, and of course social media is full of 'happy' families enjoying the festivities. BUT, without sounding like a grinch......
I am sick and tired of reading all of the single and happy quotes.... I always feel totally disconnected when I read such 'supposedly empowering' sh*t, that I feel almost repulsed.
Okay, so... I'm being dramatic... But the fact is this: if you also happily admit that being single is not the dream - or the goal - and you'd like the opposite, then you are somehow put into another category: the one whereby you must be unhappy, lonely, or lack some form of love for yourself. I think this is relevant to all genders too - with men having less permission to even talk about their desire to have a relationship.
So, let's break this down. Firstly, I am happy. Or should I say, I am content. I'd even go as far as to say that my own independence and satisfaction with life is the reason that I, at times, lack the motivation needed to go out and find a partner. As most of our members are high-performing professionals, you'll understand that it can also be hard to find the mental and emotional space amongst all the work noise - or even come up for air to think - never mind focus on finding someone to ride the inevitable storms with.
Having spent the majority of my adult years as a single person, I also feel that, as a securely attached woman, each year it gets harder to find someone who makes all of the 'effort' worthwhile (perceived or not). My life is pretty good, after all.
I felt the same way when I decided to have solo IVF. If it wasn't for the fact that my eggs were literally dying, I wasn't in desperate need to have a baby. On both accounts - I felt that one day, it would just 'happen'.
I don't sit here counting the days; I don't cry into my pillow, or get overly concerned about being alone, or raising my little boy solo.
I actually found my single status the most troubling when I went through solo IVF. Which at the time, I felt the only thing I could do regarding my feelings was to ride it out.
Whilst hormones inevitably played a part, you are also sold a 'love story' of family. I'd failed at finding someone to love me and stay. Furthermore, that love story did not include me having a baby on my own or injecting myself; being put to sleep to have my eggs collected, nor having embryos transferred into me via a tube. It also did not involve me going to scans alone, or having my little boy via C-Section. To me, I was overwhelmed with grief for a life I thought I would have.... not only had I 'failed' at having a baby the way I always though I would, but here I was also having a C-Section.
I sobbed as they took my eggs from me, and sobbed again when they gave me my epidural, consumed by self-pity, and sadness. Rationally of course, life is good - I am fine, and Milo (who is now 16 months) and I are doing perfectly well - emotions, whilst a necessary part of life, they suck sometimes!
You could say, I live a content life. I've found a job that I love, and that I love doing, I have some great friends and a supportive network. However, I'd be lying if I said I was never lonely either - BUT, I don't put this down to being single, but rather just human... we all feel loneliness at times.
Certain things do p*ss me off about being single, though - I'm tired of paying more than anyone else for the privilege, especially when typically I earn 50% less household income than those who are part of a couple. So I'm talking gyms, council tax, hotels, train tickets, and meal delivery - and these are just a few examples. This is on top of the fact that, despite having to pay the ridiculous cost of renting (all by myself...) it is impossible to save for a deposit - never mind afford, a mortgage. Not much you can get 'round here on a sole salary, even if it's a decent one.
So, that's my only gripe.
I, like many, have settled too comfortably into my 'singleton' status. So, for 2023 I'm going to shake it up somewhat. I feel more intentional and increasingly more motivated to find the right person. I don't want to be single forever, and I am unapologetic about that. I refuse to conform to the 'everyone who is single doesn't mind': I do mind.
I understand how important it is to choose wisely when it comes to who you spend your life with - it is, after all, the greatest decision you will ever make. I won't be falling into just any old relationship - they are hard to get out of once you are in them, after all.
Don't forget we have the biggest day of the year coming up - Dating Sunday! Normally this day is the first Sunday of the year, but we are expecting most of you to be laying low still on the 1st of January following maybe a few too many the night before on New Year's Eve!
Next week, we will be sharing some tips on how to make the most out of the day, so get Sunday, 8th January penciled in the diary - you don't want to miss it!
'Til next time,
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