- Stacy | Founder
Relationships: 8 Things You Should Never Tolerate
To sustain a thriving intimate relationship, partners should strive to avoid betrayals and work together as a team.
Successful relationships develop strong communication skills, nurture satisfying sexuality, pursue shared dreams, and offer support during challenging times.
Despite these goals, many relationships still falter.
As a relationship expert, I have encountered numerous reasons for relationship failures. However, a common thread among them is the acceptance of certain behaviors at the beginning of a relationship that later become unacceptable.
In the early stages, people often focus on the positive aspects of their partners, disregarding potential deal-breakers that can emerge as the relationship evolves.
Unfortunately, relying solely on the strength of love does not guarantee resolution.
As you reflect on the following eight lurking deal-breakers, consider whether you have allowed any of them to become part of your relationships and if they have contributed to their downfall.
1. Ownership
Intimate partners should never view each other as possessions. While they can reasonably expect to be a high priority in the relationship, they must recognize that they are not entitled to be the automatic first choice in every situation.
Although the initial stages of love may foster expectations of always coming first, real-life circumstances require other priorities to take precedence.
Healthy partners feel secure and understand that their significance does not diminish during times of understandable absence.
The most common source of entrapment in a relationship arises from one partner's desire for complete control over the other's life choices.
2. Exploitation of Vulnerability
Often, individuals who are struggling in life attract rescuers who offer help by assuming the roles of mentors, symbolic parents, or spiritual guides to "fix" their problems.
Unfortunately, the fixing is often driven by the rescuer's desires rather than what is genuinely best for the relationship.
While seeking guidance and support is natural in certain circumstances, molding a person to fit one's own agenda should never be a condition for providing security.
3. Pressure to Succumb
If one partner resorts to bribery, threats, coercion, abandonment tactics, ghosting, gaslighting, excessive pressure, seduction, or any form of manipulation to compel the other partner to conform to a lifestyle that is detrimental to them, the outcome is never positive.
Although the "pushed" partner may appear to succumb outwardly, they often harbor internal resentment or a sense of martyrdom. They are angry at themselves for compromising their values and succumbing to emotional blackmail.
Eventually, they will seek safer havens where they can be themselves.
4. Score-Keeping
There are two types of giving in a relationship, both of which are acceptable when genuine and transparent. The first involves clear agreements that outline what is offered and expected in return, mutually agreed upon by both partners.
The second type is selfless giving or chivalry, where one partner makes sacrifices without expecting reciprocity. However, accepting a gift or favor that comes with an unexpected price tag later is unacceptable.
People resort to score-keeping when they fear they are being treated unfairly. They may exhibit this behavior from the beginning or develop it due to repeated unmet expectations.
5. Promises of Unconditional Love
Promises of unwavering presence, regardless of the circumstances, are destined to fail. Life choices change, demands fluctuate, obligations arise, conflicts remain unresolved, and dreams shatter or transform.
While a chosen partner should feel valued, they should never assume they will always be supported and prioritized in every situation at all times. T
here are sacred moments where both partners set aside everything for each other, but such sacrifices should never be automatic expectations.
6. Expectations of Always Being "Number One"
Partners who possess diverse interests and remain genuinely curious about life make the most successful relationship companions.
While a primary partner has every right to be included and informed about the things their partner finds fulfilling, they should not believe that the relationship alone can fulfill all their partner's needs.
A healthy approach is to understand that each individual may derive satisfaction from external experiences, as long as they come back to the relationship enriched. By bringing the benefits of these experiences home, the relationship becomes more vibrant and alive.
7. Expectations of Perfect Compatibility
New lovers often bend over backward to prove to each other that they always want the same things, at the same time, and in the same way. They may believe that if one is hungry, the other must be as well. If one desires sex, the other must be equally inclined.
They convince themselves that they share the same friends, even if one thrives on social chaos while the other prefers a few close companions.
They assume that both partners want children, even if one did not initially express such desires.
They expect all differences to seamlessly merge into one perfect union.
While compatibility reduces certain challenges, it also fosters predictability and diminishes the energy within the relationship. Embracing the uniqueness and diversity of each partner adds intrigue and spice.
8. Assumptions That All Outside Dimensions Will Mesh
During the initial stages of a relationship, new lovers often create a bubble where no one else matters, and external obligations are placed on the back burner whenever possible.
Within this bubble, both partners make efforts to blend seamlessly. They reject any external threats that could disrupt the idyllic atmosphere. However, as the relationship matures, other dimensions of life arise and demand their fair share of time and energy.
Prior relationships, familial expectations, work commitments, social engagements, financial constraints, hobbies, and personal interests resurface. These dimensions require reintegration into the relationship and necessitate a renegotiation of priorities and boundaries.
By examining these eight potential deal-breakers, you can gain insight into your own relationships and the behaviors that may have contributed to their downfall. Recognizing and addressing these issues can help pave the way for healthier, more fulfilling connections built on mutual respect, understanding, and genuine love.
Til, next time.
Stacy
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