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Guest Blog: Less Games and More Connection

How hot would you rate yourself out of 10?

It’s an easy question to answer privately in your head… but how willing would you be to share it with everyone else?

It’s not the most mature way to start a guest blog post, but that awkward question was my first experience of a dating APP many years ago.

See… there was a site that allowed you to add your profile picture, and then basically, get rated out of 10 by thousands of other users.

It was a sure fire way to either boost your ego, or piss you off.

Superficial, yes, but that app led to me meeting the love of my life (or to be more specific, the love of about 7-8 months of my life until we realised we were not really compatible).

But, it opened my eyes to what’s possible with using online dating apps.

See… back then I was out all the time…a confident young city boy, with money in my pocket, and a great group of mates (see: wing men).

So finding and connecting with lots of lovely ladies was a doddle.

I was more interested in having fun than settling down and starting a family, even though I knew that’s what I wanted ‘long-term’.

Around 2005-2008 the dating apps were pretty crude… and if you were serious about finding someone to really connect with for longer than one night (and maybe even have babies with)… you might struggle.

It’s not to say that those people weren't out there…

…but you had to wade through the sea of people just wanting a quick hookup.

It’s wrongly assumed it’s just men who do that, but let's not pretend ladies don't do that as well - we all have needs.

Or you’d come across those who turned out to be a bit ‘odd’ shall we say…

Even worse, some of them were just plain liars by way of their hot profile picture which turned out to be heavily airbrushed, or just 10 years old…

Liars might be a harsh term, so let's go with ‘bending the truth’.

What frustrated me was those who left out certain details about themselves that wasted your time when you did meet up…

‘I’m just going outside for a cigarette’ was one classic death knell to a date after she’d ticked the ‘non-smoker’ box on her profile… clue I can’t stand smoking.

But fast forward many years…

I realise that, for many, once you moonwalk past say 25, maybe 30… you probably go out less.

And even if you want to go out a lot, maybe your friends go out less, or have coupled up and are doing ‘cosy nights in’, or just feeding and bathing the kids and are bloody knackered from navigating this thing we call life.

So the opportunities become less, and therefore so do the chances of you meeting the right person.

Now I’m all for ‘meeting organically’ in a bar or club, or work, or any other opportunity.

I met my partner of 10+ years at our work Christmas party (cliche anyone?)

But it seems these days we are in danger of becoming a contactless society.

If working from home is being normalised (for many, there’s nothing normal about working from home)...

We have to use what we can to still encourage, create, and allow opportunities to meet great people who you want to spend time with, wriggle under the duvet with…

…and yes, create a loving secure family with.

That's why, when I saw REDDI… I sat up and took notice.

It looks like a fun way to be serious about finding a compatible partner with an eye on longevity.

See…The slow nudge towards a contactless society could quite possibly be quietly destroying the family unit.

And by family I mean as a couple, or also with kids.

Because limiting real world contact with people, limits those opportunities to be wowed by some hotty who walks in the room…

…which is often the spark to a flame that burns (in a good way) for many years.

But with an app that allows you to have exposure to people who you could build solid foundations with, it hopefully takes away some of the frustrations for those who aren't here just to play the game, but to actually win the game.

Winning the game will be different for many, but when you feel like you're winning, you thrive as an individual, and that’s priceless, for you and those around you.

And in my years of working alongside, and mentoring, hundreds of men in the 30-40-50 age bracket, I see so many men that want less of the games and more of the connection and mature commitment that an APP like REDDI can provide a window to.

I’m sure there are thousands of lovely ladies who would smile at that newsflash, and nod their head when asked if that resonates.

So for now, just remember this… people often use dating apps to ‘meet their match’…

But to the unconscious that could mean to ‘compete unsuccessfully with someone’

So, don’t look for someone to compete with, but instead someone that you can feel complete with…

(or at least makes you have that warm fuzzy feeling in your tummy when you are around them).

Hopefully you’ve found something useful (or amusing) here, and if I’m asked back I'll be sharing some views on something I call ‘a man’s silent struggle’.

It links directly to barriers that form when starting, and navigating intimate relationships that are equally affecting men and women.

Till then, Anthony.

About the Author

Anthony Astbury is the founder of the Whole Man Academy. An organisation that, since 2018, has helped men lead epic lives through powerful events, bespoke mentoring, over 100 podcast episodes, and plenty more.

Anthony left a 20 year City career to focus on impacting more men across the world, and lives with his partner Emma and their 2 boys, Hudson and Bowie, in the Cotswolds. He now spends his time running the Whole Man Academy and writing and speaking about men’s health and mindset.


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