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Single AGAIN on Valentines Day? How You Can Still Embrace the Day...



Single on Valentine's Day again? Yes, so here we go. Bracing ourselves for the day of love to be thrown into our faces like an all too familiar (and painful) punch.


"Stacy, why are you alone again? What is wrong with you? Why aren't you even bothered?!"


(That's the chatter going on up there in my brain...)


What a load of absolute garbage. Yet, to some, this kind of narrative might be quite troubling. I'm also sure that this kind of narrative is a constant for the many - and not just on February 14.


I can take or leave Valentine's Day. I still celebrate it, despite being single. I instead choose it as a day to tell all those I love, that I do indeed love them. They probably don't even notice, as I'm a lover not a fighter and I am constantly telling people I love them if I'm honest! But, I might as well join in the fun - I mean, the opposite would simply be the pathway to most the resistance - so why bother?!


I found out this year, that there is actually a 'Galentine's Day' on the February 13, and the men are fighting (okay, that was probably too extreme of a word) for a 'Maletine's Day'! I mean, seriously What The Actual?! Why do we need a different day to celebrate friendships? Can't we all SHARE a simply day of love?!


Why is it another thing that I have to add to my list of things that 'singles' can't have or do?!


I'm actual starting to worry about my love life somewhat. Not so much the lack of it, but rather my lack of desire to go out and find it, or even let it in. I myself of course can make many different excuses up as to why - I'm too busy, I have Milo... both of which have merit. But despite knowing I want a partner - my independence is currently winning.


I doubt this is something only I feel, or experience. I believe this is many people's reason for not finding someone. The thing is, the older you get, the harder it is. BUT, again, if I asked someone in their early twenties - maybe they'd agree. I can also see why most people find online messaging often 'enough' to satisfy the loneliness, and the emptiness one can sometimes feel.


Yet, I want a partner: I want to be loved, and I want to love. So you can understand the 'chatter' and the confusion as to why haven't I found it yet, and the almost constant concerns over if I will ever find it.


So despite Valentine's Day being credited with the most romantic day of the year, for those of us who are not in a relationship and wish that we were, and for those who have recently broken up, separated or lost someone - the day can feel like somewhat of a difficult one - with overwhelming feelings of sadness, and frustration.


So, if you are single on the February 14 and you don't want to be, here are some tips on how you can cope and get through it:


1. Reframe your thoughts


Whether you are single this Valentine's Day for the first time, or a seasoned pro like me - let's just all remember the day is merely a commercial event - a day whereby lots of people are having to spend over the top amounts of money on dinners and flowers. In reality, it's just another day - just like the other 364 days of the year.


2. Don't wish your single life away


To be honest, I think being single on Valentine's Day is underrated. When you are in a couple - your life changes. You have less independence, and you automatically do more things as a 'couple'. As a consequence, there are many thing you may not get the chance to do.


There is a sense of freedom in being single, so think about doing something for yourself, maybe with friends that you know you'll enjoy, or just cook your own favourite meal. Not only will it keep your mind busy, but you'll probably have a better Valentine's Day than most conforming couples!


Being alone can often be a lot less stressful, and compared to couples who have toxic relationships - your mental wellbeing is often more more stable, too. Remember, there will be many more Valentines Days, so enjoy your independence whilst you can.


3. Buy yourself a prize


A very good friend of mine told me many years ago that buying yourself a 'prize' is an essential requirement to living a happy life. We can often think about others, forgetting to think about ourselves.


Valentine's Day is no different - spread love, give love.... well, I'd say absolutely - but how about self love instead? So, if you've had your eye on something for a while, or fancy booking that holiday you so desperately need - DO IT, and DO IT now!


4. Give some love anyways


There will be lots of other people in the same boat as you. Being kind and showing kindness to others, will not only provide a 'feel good' boost for the other person, but it will also give you a lovely oxytocin high.


Kindness is also rather infectious, so whilst you may not see the ripple affect - your kindness may travel far - so sprinkle it everywhere, you never know who may need it!


5. Stay off social media


If you feel overwhelmingly sad and disappointed by your singleton status, now is the time to stay well clear of your social feeds.


Remember, these platforms showcase the highlights and extremely edited version of real life events - so if you are starting to feel pangs of jealous and envy, and thoughts that your the only person 'not to be in love' as you scroll through your social feed - may be it's time to get off them!


6. Be kind to yourself


Self-compassion is often a difficult one, and a skill many of us forget to practice. Acknowledging your feelings, and normalising your experience can help you understand that it is okay to feel sad and lonely, but also enable you to recognise that these are just fleeting thoughts, and they too will pass.


If you're looking for a healthy relationship, and you don't want to be single this time next year - download the app, apply and join REDDI now!


For more expert hints and tips on the single life, dating, relationships and everything in between, please visit REDDI | Dating & Relationship Blog (iamreddi.com)



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